I recently reflected on the saying, “It is lonely at the top.” One, what does that even mean? As I continue to grow and push forward, there is not necessarily loneliness, but there is a relational shedding that naturally occurs when you grow and those in relationship with you may be closed minded to progressing in their own lives. I think there are times in life where circumstances will cause you to stop and look at your relationships and wonder, “What is going on here?”
There are certain moments in life when it will become clear on who people are and who people are not. It will become clear as to whether they are a person of “fluffy” words with little meaning or a person that “backs up” their words with action. Eventually, their thoughts towards you will show as they will one day be forced to show their true colors via their actions. Most people in this situation will be hurt or even offended.
Lesson: Don’t get mad, get glad. The best gift a person can receive is clarity and knowledge. Clarity on who the people in their lives are and are not. This gift of clarity is an underestimated present to OUR future self.
I think when we’re younger, we form relationships with people for various reasons. Maybe we like the same things…maybe we like to participate in the same activities…maybe he or she was the only person that listened…maybe he or she was the only person that truly understood us. No matter the root that formed the relationship, one day you will arise and see that YOU have evolved. You will have evolved into a different version of you and what made you “relatable” in the past may not sustain the relationship in the present or future.
Lesson: At some point in life, you must pause and take a relationship inventory and ask who is there? Why are they there? AND you must determine whether he or she should continue to be there!
If I am honest, I’ve been walking this path for quite some time. I’ve been observing the sisters, the brothers, the friends, and the love interests. I’ve been looking deep and wondering, “Who are you?” Why are you here? Is it familiarity? Why are you drawn to me? What is your true intention? Is it political because you are supposed to be here (organizations)?
The more I observe, the more I gather answers to these questions. The more I observe, the more I notice that a few don’t even know who they are. If they don’t know who they are, is it wise for me to expect them to know me? Love me? Care for me? Understand me?
The answer to that initial question is—it is not wise! How can one expect something from another that they are incapable of giving to themselves? For me that’s when I find ways to show empathy and offer grace as they are on a journey like me. The only difference is, I may be further along the growth path than him or her. It is also in this moment that I dig deep to look at their heart to ward off the tendency to be offended by their actions.
Lesson: Don’t be offended by people’s actions. It is in the “offensive” moments that we are granted the opportunity to inform our own actions and place any necessary boundaries moving forward.
As I continue to grow through life, I think that it is ever apparent that I must do more observing before there is a title slapped on a person interested in being a part of my life. I think that it is ever apparent that I reflect on those in my life more often so that I can determine why are they here? What purpose does he or she serve in my life? Does he or she need to continue to be here? Is this or will this be a healthy relationship?
Lesson: It is not lonely at the top. It is clearer at the top because not everyone has the capability to climb the ladder to get to the top and THAT IS OK!
Lessons in Being me and Becoming me— all at the same time